When Someone You Love Is Having a Tough Time, Remind Them of These 20 Things

If someone you love is having a tough time right now, there are some things that you can remind them of which will help them trough their difficulties. Whatever you say to someone who is struggling, the most important thing is to ensure your tone of voice and demeanor is appropriate. Remind your loved one of the following things in a warm, encouraging way, and not in a “pull your socks up” way. Your approach will make all the difference to the response you get.

1. It’s OK Not to Be OK

When people are struggling, they often make themselves feel worse by placing unrealistic expectations on themselves. They beat themselves up for having a problem and feeling unable to cope with it. Remind your loved one that they are no less of a person just because they are facing something challenging right now. You love them and will support them in good times and bad.

2. You’re Not Alone

Identifying with the person who is struggling can help them feel better. They realize, then, that they are not bearing the weight of the world alone. Remind them that others have had this problem, and that they already have found a way through it. Just knowing that they are not alone can help them feel less lonely and more hopeful. Encourage your loved one to join a support group or forum if appropriate.

3. Let Go of Blame

Sometimes when people are struggling, they either want to blame themselves or other people for their circumstances. It’s OK to initially express anger and frustration, but wallowing in feelings of unfairness or blame will make them feel worse and wastes their energy. Help your loved one to see that the way out their difficulties is in looking for solutions and not in assigning blame or hanging onto angry feelings.

4. Struggles Make You Stronger

Wisdom, strength and resilience can all be built from the foundations of tough times. Help your loved one to see how they’re growing as a person, even if they feel like they’re going through hell. It’s so important not to be glib  or patronizing when you’re saying this ‒ actually tell your loved one the new strengths you see in them.

5. Take a Step Back

People going through tough times often lose perspective, because they feel so mired in the problem itself. Reminding someone to step back from the situation can help them to see things in a fresh light, and will help them find new solutions.

6. Nothing Lasts Forever

The terrible thing about really tough times is that they feel like they will go on forever. But, in reality, nothing lasts forever ‒ not even the most horrible emotions or the direst circumstances. Reminding your loved one of this can help them gain perspective and feel comforted at the same time.

7. Take Things Step By Step

Tough times can often bring complex and confusing feelings, and those who are struggling may feel paralyzed and unable to make decisions. Remind them that they don’t have to solve the whole problem at once. If they just do the next right thing, they will start to make progress.

8. Look For The Open Door

When life shuts one door, another one will always open. Losing something will always lead to new opportunities, but only if you are open to them. Remind your loved one to stay alert to fresh opportunities and solutions.

9. Just Do Your Best

People who are struggling can put so much pressure on themselves to get things right that they feel even more upset when they don’t meet their own unrealistic expectations. Remind them that as long as they just do their best, that’s all that matters. They are human, after all. Their best is good enough.

10. You’ve Come Through Tough Times Before

If someone you love is having a hard time, it may be difficult for them to see their strengths. Reminding them that they have already survived tough times before can show them that there is an end in sight, and that they have the strength to reach it.

11. You’re Brave

Most people who are struggling refuse to acknowledge how strong and brave they actually are. They may see themselves as weak and scared. Remind them that courage is not the absence of fear. It’s the willingness to go on even when you’re afraid.

12. There Is Something Good in Each Day

Going through difficulties can lead to a negative mindset. If someone is really going through a desperately hard time, and dealing with something like depression, being all happy-clappy with them won’t work. But do ask them about the good things in their life, what has gone well, and what they have achieved. It will help them to see a glimmer of hope, even in the darkness.

13. Look at What You’re Gaining

Even when someone has a difficult problem, there will always be an upside to it. Whether it’s finding out who their true friends are when they’re struggling, or having the opportunity to develop patience, strength and problem-solving abilities, there will always be a silver lining. Help your loved one to find it.

14. It’s Not Your Fault

Sometimes when people are struggling, they take their problems very personally, almost believing that their difficulties are sent in some way to punish them. If your loved one is doing this, reminding them that it’s not their fault can help them feel relieved.

15. Well Done

Validating someone for their efforts when they’re having a miserable time can make a big difference in their day. If someone is struggling, they may not acknowledge their own hard work. Giving them praise can help them feel rewarded and appreciated..

16. Focus on Now

Often people make their tough times even tougher by worrying about the future or fretting about the past. They may add to their misery by letting themselves think back to all the times life has treated them badly or that they’ve failed before; or they may fear that their current difficulty will lead to yet more problems. Remind them to focus on now, because that’s the only part of the story they can change at the moment.

17. Nothing Is Ever the End of the World

Very few problems, however big or small, can actually stop you from breathing. You can encourage your loved one by reminding them that everything is survivable and beatable. They will find a way of dealing with this issue, however tough, if only they keep trying.

18. Be Kind To Yourself

When someone is going through a hard time, they may feel so frustrated by their problems that they resort to beating themselves up or not allowing themselves a minute of reprieve from the issue. Remind your loved one that tough times are easier when we’re kind to ourselves. They are allowed “time off” from their problem to have a laugh, treat themselves, and be around good people. Relieving stress can actually help them to come back to the problem refreshed and recharged.

19. People Want to Help

If your loved one is suffering, they may believe that they have to go through it all by themselves. They may not want to burden others with their problems, and won’t want to ask for help. Remind them that most people are amenable to helping; in fact, helping feels good. The reason people have different strengths is precisely so that they can help each other. Encourage your loved one to seek extra help should they need it.

20. I’m There For You

The strength of these words can not be underestimated. Letting your loved one know that you’re there for them, and that you will listen to their feelings, dry their tears, or even just be around, can mean everything to someone going through hell. Just being a non-judgmental, caring presence in your loved one’s life can make a massive difference in how they feel and how they cope.

Found on http://www.lifehack.org/

10 Habits of Really Happy Couples

It seems like a happy relationship should come naturally when you’re with the right person, but that’s not true. Relationships require work. Happy couples have to maintain their relationships every day with love and care, but it’s not as daunting of a task as it may seem. There’s no real “secret” to having a happy relationship, but there are things you can do to make it all come more easily. Try to integrate these habits into your daily life and see how much happier your relationship can be.

1. Go to bed at the same time.

I used to think it was silly to want to go to bed at the same time as my partner, but it does wonders for your relationship! If one of us stays up later than the other, our whole evening feels off. There’s something cozy about sliding under the covers together, talking about what happened during the day or what’s on the list for tomorrow. My fiancé works the night shift, and without realizing it, my schedule also changed until I was a night owl, doing my freelance work during the late hours while he was at his job. When he came home early in the morning, I’d go to bed with him just to get that connection you can only get from sleeping and waking up together.

2. Cultivate common interests.

It’s important to keep your own hobbies when you’re part of a couple, of course, because you want to stay true to yourself and not change your personality. But you and your partner can cultivate common interests without changing who either of you are, and it will make your relationship stronger as a result. I love reading and writing, which are typically solitary hobbies, but my fiancé doesn’t hesitate to grab a book and sit next to me on the couch, or he’ll write a story too, and we can give each other feedback. He loves painting, and I can hardly draw a stick figure, but when he asks me to help him with a painting, I love to try and do my best with bright streaks of color. As a result, we’ve both found that it doesn’t matter what you do together (or in the case of my painting attempts, how well you do it), just that you’re doing enjoyable things together.

3. Walk hand in hand.

My hatred of hand-holding started in elementary school, when you had to hold hands with a buddy so you wouldn’t get lost on a field trip. Since then, I’ve never held hands with anyone and not gotten immediately sweaty palms. It’s one of the worst feelings! With my partner, though, I love holding hands. It makes me feel so happy and connected to him just to hold hands as we walk through the neighborhood, or even around the grocery store. Even if we don’t hold hands, we keep pace and walk side by side. I find that more often than not, my hand either finds his, or I slide my arm around his waist. There’s something really nice about walking perfectly in step with your partner.

4. Make trust and forgiveness your default mode.

It’s so easy to fight about stupid nothings and hold a grudge, but that’s not the way to be happy in a relationship. You have to forgive your partner after a fight, even if it’s something major. You might feel like they’ve betrayed your trust, but if you don’t give them another chance, then your relationship can never feel natural again. There will always be a rift because you don’t trust your partner, and feel like any time your back is turned, they’ll be doing something hurtful. On the other side, your partner won’t feel loved in the relationship because they’ll have never gotten your full forgiveness. Let your heart love easier by truly forgiving and honestly trusting your partner.

5. Focus on what your partner does right, not wrong.

No one likes a nit-pick! Don’t chastise your partner every time you think they do something wrong. There are nice ways to inform someone if they hurt your feelings, or to correct them if they do something in a bad way. But instead of yelling at your partner for breaking a plate, thank them for washing the dishes for you—hey, soap makes things slippery! Your partner will appreciate that you’re seeing the positive things they’re bringing to the relationship, and being more positive and complimentary will make you feel better than being negative all the time.

6. Hug each other when you see each other after work.

This one is easy—who doesn’t want to melt into a comforting hug after a hard day? And if you had a good day, share your excitement with a hug. You can’t beat ‘em. And once you start hugging, you’ll feel so much happier that you’ll find it easier to make time to cuddle with your partner instead of getting stressed by the things you need to get done around the house.

7. Say “I love you” and “Have a good day” every morning.

Another easy tip! Saying sweet words to each other is never a waste of breath. My fiancé and I say “I love you” any time we part—whether it’s on the phone, when he leaves for work, when I run an errand. It makes you feel much happier, and is always a good note to end on when you go about your days.

8. Say “Good night” every night, regardless of how you feel.

Same with “Have a good day,” saying “Good night” when you and your partner go to bed puts a nice, loving haze on the end of the day. My fiancé and I have a nightly routine we say before falling asleep. I won’t reveal it here because it’s special to us, but it includes “Good night,” “I love you,” and other nice phrases that make you feel good and inspire sweet dreams!

9. Do a “weather” check during the day.

A “weather” check is where you call your partner during the day to see how they are. A caring phone call or text can really brighten their day and show them that you’re thinking of them. As an added bonus, it gives you a heads up about how their day is going. If they’re having a tough time, you can curb your happiness about a work promotion and be more sympathetic as soon as you get home. You can tailor your attitude to make them feel that much better when you both get home.

10. Be grateful for what you have.

This is the simplest tip of all, because if you’re in a relationship, you clearly value your partner. Be thankful that you have someone you love who loves you back. Be thankful that they help you with household chores and support you during tough times and cheer you on during the good times. Look at your partner as much as you can and just smile that you have them by your side.


Found here http://www.lifehack.org/

30 Simple Secrets to Get Happy Instantly

It is said that happiness is a state of mind. Why is it really necessary for us to stay happy most of the time?

Staying happy not only makes you feel better; it also helps you to find the good in people and in life. It generates an aura of positivity around you. Naturally, others are drawn to you and wish for your company. Also, when you are happy, your body produces endorphins and other chemicals that help your body repair and heal on its own. Isn’t that cool? And to be happy, you need not do grand stuff.

Life offers us small pleasures all the time. We just need to spot them.

Here are some simple ways to get happy instantly.

1. Smile.

It is the best and simplest way to get happy instantly. It does not cost you anything and helps relieve stress and anxiety. Whenever your mood hits a low, flaunt your killer smile!

2. Think about your loved one.

Nothing is more soothing than thinking about your beloved. It automatically puts a smile on your face and makes you happier within seconds.

3. Sing a song.

Although it may seem funny if you are in office, go out on the terrace and sing loudly.

4. Meditate.

Wherever you are, if you feel low, close your eyes. Start deeply breathing, i.e. inhaling and exhaling slowly; try calming down your mind. Think about good memories that you have experienced.

5. Walk barefoot on green grass.

This is a unique pleasure in and of itself. The tickling sensation of the soft grass beneath our feet diverts us from the daily monotony and freshens up our mind. If you happen to be near a garden when feeling low, do this. It will surely make you happy instantly.

6. Unplug.

Take a break from all sorts of social media. Sometimes, it’s really exhausting trying to pretend that you have a perfect life, especially in front of people who are just on your friend list and don’t even know the real, unique you. Being different or having flaws is perfectly normal. Accept your life the way it is and improve it; make each moment count!

7. Compliment others.

Have you always wanted to tell someone that they are very well dressed or cool or good looking? You should definitely pass on a genuine compliment. You’ll be instantly happy once you see the other person glow.

8. Declutter.

Sometimes your mood is instantly lifted the moment you rearrange your space, be it in the cupboard or shelves. It helps shed off monotonous surroundings.

9. Try something new.

Have you always wanted to learn some type of dance form or how to play an instrument, but didn’t get a chance to do so? Perhaps you want to learn a new form of art or another language. Spontaneously enroll yourself for such a course. See how instantly your mood is lifted.

10. Plan a small reunion with your pals.

It’s true that everybody has a busy schedule nowadays. Break free and plan a random reunion with your buddies. The joy we feel after meeting them is simply awesome!

11. Get nostalgic.

The joy of flipping through old pictures is just incomparable, be it your childhood pictures or your marriage or even your kid’s childhood snaps.

12. Watch funny stuff.

Timeless comedies like Charlie Chaplin, Laurel and Hardy, and Tom and Jerry will instantly restore your mood and make you feel delightful.

13. Do good deeds.

Do at least one good deed daily and see how blissful you feel. It could be any simple thing, such as helping an old person cross the street or helping some poor kids by buying their books, teaching someone or sponsoring their education or donating funds to the needy. I bet you will feel really happy after helping someone.

14. Know that it’s going to be OK.

Life isn’t meant too be taken very seriously. Enjoy it to the fullest. Explore new things in your lifetime—stuff you really love doing. Take chances; fall in love. Get to know your neighbors. Help society in whatever way possible. Make someone’s day. Challenge yourself and dare to try life instead of feeling helpless in any situation. You’ll be a happier person indeed.

15. Read interesting books.

Pick up any book you love. This world is full of interesting facts and mysteries. Read about them. You will know things many people don’t know. Having that extra edge over others will surely make you smile. I am talking about healthy competition here.

16. Change your route.

If you have been take the same road for multiple years to reach your office, home, or college, change the route. Change could uplift your mood and make you happier.

17. Inhale your favorite scent.

Inhaling your favorite scent calms down your mind, de-stresses you, and makes you happier.

18. Hold gratitude.

There are several good people in our life who have helped us through our ups and downs. Express your gratitude to them. Not only does it show that you are a good human; it also helps you acknowledge their efforts of helping you.

19. Watch the sunrise or sunset.

Depending what time of the day it is, spare some time to view nature’s beauty. This helps us realize how wonderful our earth is!

20. Live in the present.

Learn to enjoy every moment of life because today’s deeds will determine our future. Don’t get stressed by unpleasant situations. If they don’t matter few years from now, they really don’t matter at all!

21. Call an old friend.

The joy of calling up an old friend and reviving some of the memories is a good way of instantly lifting our mood and becoming happy.

22. Take charge of your life.

Tired or fed up with your current job or course? Change it! Do everything and anything your heart desires. Take small steps in the right direction instead of taking giant footsteps in the wrong direction. At the end of the day, your happiness matters the most!

23. Feel the fresh air.

Go for a walk outdoors and feel the fresh air. It will cheer you up instantly.

24. Maximum family time.

Spending maximum time with our family is one of the best ways to keep ourselves happy. Our family selflessly accepts us for who we are.

Show them that you care. Be grateful. Small, simple gestures keep us happy.

25. Play any sport.

Playing sports not only helps us maintain our fitness; it also helps us to remain cheerful. Playing relieves our stress.

26. Thought to remember.

“This moment is not permanent in life.” Read this line whenever you’re happy, angry, sad, upset, cheated or lonely. It will surely help relieve anxiety.

27. Hobbies.

Work on any of your favorite hobbies and see the difference in your mood! It could be hiking, reading, watching a movie, or absolutely anything that makes you smile!

28. Go for a holiday.

Plan something even if you are currently sitting in the office. It could be a short or a long vacation.

The prospect of chilling out with our beloved makes us smile instantly!

29. Express yourself.

We are humans and we really need to speak to someone about our problems or write them down in our personal diary.

Just express yourself and feel content.

30. Feel blessed.

No matter who you are, you are privileged in a variety of ways. Perhaps you were born to a well-to-do family or into a safe family environment. Maybe you have awesome parents who have been there for you your whole life, who have been supportive of your life decisions.

Maybe you have great friends who are always around, ready to help whenever needed. Maybe you’ve never gone to bed hungry due to financial problems.

Acknowledge the ways in which life has been generous to you. We cannot even imagine how difficult it must be to live the lives people lead in some parts of the world, under the threat of poverty, diseases, and terrorism.

Feel blessed; stay blessed. :)

Source http://www.lifehack.org/

You do not cry for LOVE

You do not cry for Love. You cry only because you are feeling its absence. Stop crying and fill your heart with joy, thus Love will never be so far.

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Simple Ways to Sleep a Lot Better at Night

(photo courtesy flickr user Kevin Hutchinson)

If you sleep like a baby – meaning you wake up crying every two hours – forget the Ambien and warm milk. Take steps to eliminate the stress and anxiety that keeps you awake.

Try a few of these:

1. Step back from one thing you really care about... but have no ability to impact.

For some people it's politics. For others it's family. For others it's global warming. You care -- and you desperately want others to care.

Fine. Do what you can: Vote. Lend a listening ear. Recycle and reduce your carbon footprint. Do what you can do. Be your own change… but don't try to make everyone else change.

They won't – unless they decide to on their own.

2. Stay out of other people's business.

Help. Offer guidance. Encourage. Motivate.

But don't gossip. Don't get mixed up in politics. It always ends badly. Never put yourself in a position where you're worried that Phil will tell Allen you said something snarky about Stu and... (yeah, it’s a “Hangover” reference.)

3. Set up automatic warning systems.

The larger your scope of responsibility – professional or personal – the more you have to worry about. Your list of concerns is endless. You're always on edge, especially at night. So you check your email. You text and call to make sure everything is OK.

The fear of the unknown drives you crazy.

Instead of worrying about what you don't know, make sure you do know. Decide what you need to know when and set up systems to support you. Let your employees know what constitutes an emergency -- and, just as importantly, what doesn't. Create automated systems that notify you of problems.

A friend runs a 1,200-employee manufacturing plant. He has a separate phone for emergencies: Employees call that phone or send emails to emergency@. He turns off his regular phone at night and sleeps soundly, because he knows if something happens, he'll know. He won't have to check.

Determine what you need to know and create systems to ensure you will know. Then you won't have to waste time and energy worrying about the unknown.

4. Be grateful for criticism.

When you get feedback, at least someone cares enough to want you to improve: Your product, your service, your work, your life…. You only need to worry when no one cares enough to criticize you.

Criticism creates an opportunity. Embrace that opportunity.

5. Write it all down.

David Allen, the author of Getting Things Done, told me this:

Most people try to use their psyche as their systemic process, which means issues gain importance based on your emotions. I've never met anyone who said they didn't feel a little better if they sat down and made a list. Nothing changes when you write things down except how you engage with your issues: You can be objective and also be creative and intuitive.

Your head is for having ideas, not holding ideas, and it's certainly not for filing things away. Without exception you will feel better if you get stuff out of your head.

Try it. Write down your challenges. List your problems or concerns.

I bet you'll start to feel better right away. You'll realize things aren't as bad as you think. You'll also start to figure out ways to make things better -- because now you won't worry passively. You'll actively solve your problems.

6. Lay off the conspiracy theories.

No one is out to get you. Even if people are, they're really not the problem – most of us do a better job sabotaging ourselves than someone else ever could. Besides, you can't control what other people might do.

But you can control what you will do.

7. Reduce the number of judgment calls.

The more prepared you are to handle a situation, the easier it is to be objective -- and to avoid stressing out later over whether or not you made the wrong call.

Create price lists that take into account unusual requests. Set up guidelines for responding to customer complaints. Create employee policies for objective areas like attendance, quality, and performance. Decide what you will and will not allow your kids to do before they start asking.

Think about situations you struggle with and decide what you will do before those situations get stressful or confrontational. Then you can make better decisions and greatly reduce your level of stress… and regret.

8. Create a cutoff time...

Yeah, I know, you consider yourself a 24/7 go-getter. But that's impossible. Decide what time you'll stop working each day, no matter what.

And if stopping makes you feel guilty?

9. ...Then create a plan for tomorrow.

Write down what you need to do first thing tomorrow. You'll rest easier knowing you have a plan to take care of what you didn't get done today.

10. Spend a few minutes every day getting better at something else.

It doesn't matter what you pick. Just make sure it's not business: A musical instrument. A foreign language. A hobby. Whatever it is, spend a little time on it. Get a little better.

Step outside your daily grind and do something for yourself.

In the process, you'll gain a little perspective. Perspective soothes the soul.

11. Count your blessings.

Take a second before you turn out the light. In that moment, quit worrying about what you don't have. Quit worrying about what others have that you don't.

Think about what you do have.

Thought so. You have a lot to be thankful for.

Feels pretty good, doesn't it? Feeling better about yourself is the best sleeping pill of all.

found here http://www.linkedin.com/today/post/article/20131031120051-20017018-simple-ways-to-sleep-a-lot-better-at-night

Reboot your life: 20 mental barriers you should let go of

You are in an imaginary hot air balloon. It’s just you and all of your belongings in the wicker basket. Something went wrong and you are losing altitude fast. You will hit the ground in less than ten minutes if you don’t come up with something quick.

The only immediate solution is to get rid of excess weight and throw off at least half of your belongings. It’s that or hit the ground in ten. You look at the things and hesitate for a few seconds but then you do what you have to do and start throwing the things you have gathered half your life one by one. The cargo gets lighter, the descent slows down then you are floating up again back to altitude. You are relieved beyond comprehension.

This happens to all of us in less dramatic circumstances. We attach ourselves to things that we have accumulated over the years. Some of them might have some practical value. Others we just have attached ourselves sentimentally to over time. Some others are just clutter.

Our mental life follows the same fate. We carry with us a lot of things in our heads along the years – Our life story, emotional attachments, beliefs and other things which can linger in our minds for many years.

Some of them are useless ideas that drag us down considerably. Some are emotional debris from difficult moments in our past. Some are just beliefs which we have attached ourselves to for no apparent justifiable reason. Some others are just self-destructive habits and fears.

So if you were in the hot air balloon situation, which of these mental barriers should we let go? I have listed down 20 here. Do you have any more?

1. Let go of attachments

According to Buddhist Philosophy, attachment is one of the roots of all suffering. I can’t agree more. We attach ourselves to all sorts of things even the most self-slapping stupid notions in the universe. Are you attached to something? How much are you attached? Is it keeping you back from something? Is it making you suffer? Look at it straight through – break the illusion. Know that every attachment can be detached.

2. Let go of guilt

Guilt has absolutely no function whatsoever. Think about it – what could guilt possibly resolve? It just holds you imprisoned to self-mortification and sorrow.

3. Let go of Negative thinking

Pessimistic thoughts and negative attitudes keep you locked in a dark aura that permeates in everything you do. It’s a dangerous line to follow. Know that thoughts influence the world around us. Enough said.

4. Let go of self-criticism

Many times we are our biggest pain in the neck. We criticize ourselves with the best of intentions but then go over the acceptable limit. Criticism then turns to disempowering messages. Let go of it and be kind and gentle to yourself.

5. Let go of prejudice

Prejudice keeps you bitter and resentful. It restricts your opportunities to connect meaningfully with others.

6. Let go of compulsive thinking

Do you keep on doing something just because you feel you have to do it without any apparent reason? It’s time to honestly reflect on its usefulness and its side-effects.

7. Let go of the need for others’ approval

We often tend to seek approval by others. This is an attention-seeking behaviour and one which threatens our self-confidence and authenticity.

8. Let go of limiting beliefs

Most of our limits are self-imposed. Life doesn’t have defined limits. Our beliefs do. Learn to identify those beliefs which narrow down your possibilities for action and let go of them.

9. Let go of grudges

Let me put it this way – grudges are bad for your heart. Keep them long enough or numerous enough and your health will eventually suffer. Research is showing the relationship between heart disease and emotions such as anger and grudges.

10. Let go of postponing

This is a delaying tactic of your subconscious saboteur trying to keep you from accomplishing important tasks. Try to be aware of it when you think it and consciously push yourself to do at least the first part of it. Naturally you will then continue the whole task because the hard part is only the beginning.

11. Let go of anxious thoughts

These are born out of our fear of the unknown and uncertainty about the future. The thought that something unpleasant may happen is only an unreal thought we have created ourselves. Ask yourself: “Is this thought based on real evidence?”

12. Let go of past heartbreaks

A heartbreak can take quite a long time to heal. Your heart is locked as your mind keeps on hovering over the same thought. The thing to realize is that in heartbreaks it is not the loss that make you suffer but the idea you create in your heads about that loss.

13. Let go of bad memories

Sometimes we remember unpleasant things that stir up some sad feelings in us. Bad memories make you relive those sad moments in the present. Keep them where they are – in the past.

14. Let go of useless things

We also attach ourselves to things of all sort. Sometimes we clutter our life with useless objects. Let go of them and simplify your working and living environment.

15. Let go of bad company

If there are people around you that are insincere, harbour envy, are highly pessimistic or disempowering, keep away from them.

16. Let go of the idea that you are a product of your past

One very common mistake we fall into is the belief that we are determined by our past experiences. This limits our view on future possibilities since we are stuck in believing that the future can only be more of the same as our past.

17. Let go of identifying yourself with your job/role

This is one of the risks of modern day life. Since roles are always becoming more specialized we think that we are part of our roles. This makes us lose perspective of our true nature.

18. Let go of counterproductive habits

These are the repetitive patterns of behavior that obstruct or distract you from constructive and productive behavior. They can be anything from watching too much TV and overeating to self-destructive behavior such as drug abuse.

19. Let go of taking things too personally

Very often we are disturbed emotionally because we interpret people’s words and actions from a very subjective perspective. When we take things personally we get irritated, hurt and disappointed.  When you look at life from a more detached and objective point of view, we stay emotionally balanced and focused on our priorities.

20. Let go of the ticking clock

Time is one of our biggest sources of stress. Well, not time really but our perception of it. Sometimes we are enslaved by the concept of time even in our moments of leisure. This has devoured a lot of our genuine freedom and space. Learning to spend moments without the constant awareness of time can be liberating and finally productive.

After reading all these points you are certainly thinking that these are very simple and maybe even "stupid" things we hand around every day.

But you also certainly know that when you are keeping one of the above behavours or attitudes, you are doing WRONG. If you feel it, then trust yourself enough and STOP doing it. It will be easier and easier the more attention you make to your feeling in doing things.

Here is a track you can print and read from time to time, to secure your constant will to stick to a healthier behaviour and attitude.

Found here

soulhiker.com/2009/10/reboot-your-life-20-mental-barriers-you-should-let-go-off/

The Dalai Lama’s 18 Rules For Living

At the start of the new millennium the Dalai Lama apparently issued eighteen rules for living. Since word travels slowly in the digital age these have only just reached me. Here they are.

1. Take into account that great love and great achievements involve great risk.
2. When you lose, don’t lose the lesson.
3. Follow the three Rs:
   - Respect for self
   - Respect for others
   - Responsibility for all your actions.
4. Remember that not getting what you want is sometimes a wonderful stroke of luck.
5. Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly.
6. Don’t let a little dispute injure a great friendship.
7. When you realize you’ve made a mistake, take immediate steps to correct it.
8. Spend some time alone every day.
9. Open your arms to change, but don’t let go of your values.
10. Remember that silence is sometimes the best answer.
11. Live a good, honourable life. Then when you get older and think back, you’ll be able to enjoy it a second time.
12. A loving atmosphere in your home is the foundation for your life.
13. In disagreements with loved ones, deal only with the current situation. Don’t bring up the past.
14. Share your knowledge. It’s a way to achieve immortality.
15. Be gentle with the earth.
16. Once a year, go someplace you’ve never been before.
17. Remember that the best relationship is one in which your love for each other exceeds your need for each other.
18. Judge your success by what you had to give up in order to get it.

Thank you for reading these rules for living.  Lets practice them together and make the world a better place.

"Obliterating Problems Is My Job." Abraham Hicks

Abraham Hicks explains - very clearly to me - how the problems we attempt to obliterate tend to get bigger and bigger and bigger and how we can turn this trend upside down.

Accept Change

Whatever You Resist Persists.

Secret to More Refreshing Weekends

You work like a maniac at your business all week, so what do you usually do come Friday?

If you answered, Simply flop down on the sofa and run through a long list of chores, you're certainly not alone. This approach (or lack of an approach, really) to weekends is common and understandable, but how does it leave you feeling on Mondays?

That's the question posed by author Laura Vanderkam in her new e-book What the Most Successful People Do on the Weekend, a follow-up to her popular What the Most Successful People Do Before Breakfast. In it, Vanderkam talks to the über-busy and supersuccessful, and gathers research on what sorts of weekends are actually best for battling burnout to ensure you're ready to head back to business on Monday morning.

It turns out, your meandering, lazy Saturdays may be leaving you at risk of burnout.

Too Much Time Not to Schedule  

Vanderkam's starting point: Realize exactly how precious and how abundant your weekend hours are. Even subtracting 24 hours of solid sleep from the 60 hours you have between cracking a beer at 6 p.m. on Friday and hearing the alarm at 6 a.m. on Monday, weekends offer a solid 36 hours of possible relaxation.

That's nearly as much time as a full-time workweek and demands thoughtful strategizing, just like a job.

Or as former Republican presidential candidate and current media pundit Mike Huckabee puts it in the book: “You have to set an appointment to go off the grid as surely as to go on it.”

Scheduled Relaxation Is Not an Oxymoron

Your intense workweeks as an entrepreneur may leave you wiped come Friday, but Vanderkam argues that sitting slack-jawed in front of the TV or aimlessly surfing the Web isn't going to get you ready for another week.

Paradoxically, really rejuvenating yourself requires getting off your duff--and that usually requires some planning.

"Other kinds of work—be it exercise, a creative hobby, hands-on parenting, or volunteering—will do more to preserve your zest for Monday’s challenges than complete vegetation or working through the weekend," she writes.

Whether it's coaching a kids' sports team like the CEO of Insureon, playing a regular game of pickup soccer like celebrity chef Marcus Samuelsson, or extending a standing invitation to your friends for a Sunday evening supper like Huckabee, all the successful people profiled in the book plot out their weekends in advance (though not every minute; just a few "anchor events," as Vanderkam dubs them) and make active use of the hours they have.

This may initially sound like less fun and more effort, but according to the high achievers Vanderkam speaks with, spending energy on the weekends actually leaves you with more zest on Monday.

Anticipation Is Half the Pleasure

Planning your weekends may sound too Type A at first, but Vanderkam claims thinking ahead doesn't just push you toward more active (and therefore more rejuvenating) pursuits. It's also a pleasure unto itself. "Time travel into the future—otherwise known as anticipation—accounts for a big chunk of the happiness gleaned from any event," she writes.

It also spares you from wasting precious weekend minutes negotiating a plan with your spouse, or running around trying to find a reservation, babysitter, or willing goalkeeper to complete your five-a-side team. Plus, commitments make it harder to simply throw up your hands and claim you're "too tired" to do anything when you wake up on Saturday.


Found here
Secret to More Refreshing Weekends

Stop Avoiding Tough Conversations: 3 Ways

Conflict may feel uncomfortable, but it's also costly to avoid. Putting off a tough conversation? Consider these strategies to get back on track.

When Susan hired her sister as a sales representative in her growing company she understood that it was a risky move. But her sister needed a job and Susan needed to increase sales, so why not give it a shot?

For two years, Susan's sister remained the lowest ranking producer on the sales force.  Every family event, sales meeting, and sisterly shopping spree was weighed down by the elephant in the room; this under-performer--who happens to be a close relative--had to go.

This is just one example of the self-sabotage that entrepreneurs engage in because they want to avoid a difficult conversation. Sister or not, business owners drag their feet when it comes to dismissing or reassigning an ineffective employee. And what about those other problems that don't get addressed because avoiding them is so much easier? Things like lack of emotional and household support from a spouse, frequent and unnecessary disruptions by friends and family during work hours, and business relationships and arrangements that are no longer viable.

Come on, fess up. There's at least one thing in your life that merits a conversation, yet you avoid it because it's difficult to face.

Ironically, the pain and discomfort of putting these conversations off is usually worse than the dreaded discussion turns out to be. We tend to project all sorts of ugly scenarios, which may or may not occur. All of those "what if's" add up and staying put in the current situation just seems easier. So, we make excuses and talk ourselves into believing that someday things will change and we will never have to directly address the problem at all.

Is there a difficult conversation hanging over your head? Consider these points and dive in. Life is usually much better on the other side!

1. You're not the only one who is dissatisfied or unhappy.

When an employee is under-performing or a partnership not working out, it's usually because the other party is discontent as well. Most everyone wants to succeed and thrive in their job. An under-performer who leaves work each day with the knowledge that they didn't do their best doesn't feel good about it. This lack of motivation may exist because they are not in the right job, or in an industry that excites them. Consider that the person on the other side of this situation may be just as unhappy as you are. Set both of you free with an honest discussion about the facts and options!

2. There's always another side to the story.

It's easy to get caught up in our emotions when we are dissatisfied and disappointed. You may believe that you know why someone is acting the way they do, but you probably don't have a clue. Go into the conversation asking questions, rather than defending your position and making accusations. You may learn something that will change the whole picture and offer an easy solution to your problem. Your mother may call you during work hours because she believes it's less disruptive than calling you while you're at home with the kids. She may feel that she's being considerate, while you perceive her as being needy and rude. A minor correction to her thought process could solve the whole issue and make you both more comfortable.

3. Now think: What is this delay costing you?  

Living with a difficult situation costs time, money, and loads of energy. You may think it's easier to leave it alone, but preoccupation and agitation take a lot of energy out of you. Also think about what the situation is costing you financially. Disruptions, rocky relationships, poor employee performance, and failing partnerships are money-suckers. Try keeping a few notes on the topic for a week or so. How often do you have to stop what you're doing because of it? Does it result in lost business and missed opportunities? Do you have to trouble-shoot or step into something that you really shouldn't be involved in? Lastly, how much time to you waste dwelling on it and replaying things in your mind? Once you calculate these emotional and financial costs the next steps may not be as daunting as they are today.

Make a list of these problems and weigh the pros and cons of addressing them. If this isn't enough to move you forward then find a coach to work through it with you. A professional perspective will make all the difference.


Found here
Stop Avoiding Tough Conversations: 3 Ways

Building Healthy Relationships

1. Speak a little less, listen a little more

Most people get tremendous pleasure from speaking about themselves. But, here we have to be careful; if we always speak about our achievements or tribulations, people will get fed up with our egoism.
If we are willing and able to listen to others, we will find it much appreciated by our friends. Some people are not aware of how much they dominate the conversation. If you find you are always talking about yourself, consider the advice of the Greek philosopher, Epictectus:
“Nature gave us one tongue and two ears so we could hear twice as much as we speak.”

2. Which is more important being right or maintaining harmony?

A lot of problems in relationships occur because we want to maintain our personal pride. Don’t insist on always having the last word. Healthy relationships are not built through winning meaningless arguments. Be willing to back down; most arguments are not of critical importance anyway.

3. Avoid Gossip

If we value someone’s friendship we will not take pleasure in commenting on their frequent failings. They will eventually hear about it. But, whether we get found out or not, we weaken our relationships when we dwell on negative qualities. Avoid gossiping about anybody; subconsciously we don’t trust people who have a reputation for gossip. We instinctively trust and value people who don’t feel the need to criticise others.

4. Forgiveness

Forgiveness is not just a cliché, it’s a powerful and important factor in maintaining healthy relationships. However, real forgiveness also means that we are willing to forget the experience. If we forgive one day, but then a few weeks later bring up the old misdeed, this is not real forgiveness. When we make mistakes, just consider how much we would appreciate others forgiving and forgetting.

5. Know When to Keep Silent

If you think a friend has a bad or unworkable idea, don’t always argue against it; just keep silent and let them work things out for themselves. It’s a mistake to always feel responsible for their actions. You can offer support to friends, but you can’t live their life for them.

6. Right Motive

If you view friendship from the perspective of “what can I get from this?” you are making a big mistake. This kind of relationship proves very tentative. If you make friendships with the hope of some benefit, you will find that people will have a similar attitude to you. This kind of friendship leads to insecurity and jealousy. Furthermore, these fair weather friends will most likely disappear just when you need them most. Don’t look upon friends with the perspective “what can I get out of this?”. True friendship should be based on mutual support and good will, irrespective of any personal gain.

7. Oneness.

The real secret of healthy relationships is developing a feeling of oneness. This means that you will consider the impact on others of your words and actions. If you have a true feeling of oneness, you will find it difficult to do anything that causes suffering to your friends. When there is a feeling of oneness, your relationships will be free of jealousy and insecurity.
For example, it is a feeling of oneness which enables you to share in the success of your friends. This is much better than harbouring feelings of jealousy. To develop oneness we have to let go of feelings of superiority and inferiority; good relationships should not be based on a judgemental approach. In essence, successful friendship depends on the golden rule: “do unto others as you would have done to yourself.” This is the basis of healthy relationships.

8. Humour

Don’t take yourself too seriously. Be willing to laugh at yourself and be self-deprecating. This does not mean we have to humiliate ourselves, far from it — it just means we let go of our ego. Humour is often the best antidote for relieving tense situations.

9. Work at Relationships but don’t over analyze

Maintaining healthy relationships doesn’t mean we have to spend several hours in the psychiatrist’s chair. It means we take a little time to consider others, remembering birthdays and anniversaries etc. But, it is a mistake to spend several hours ruminating and dissecting relationships. This makes the whole thing very mental; it’s better to forget any negative experiences. Good friendships should be built on spontaneity and newness, sharing a moment of humour can often do more benefit than several hours of discussion.

10. Concern and Detachment

Healthy relationships should be built on a degree of detachment. Here, people often make a mistake; they think that being detached means, “not caring”. However, this is not the case. Often when we develop a very strong attachment we expect the person to behave in a certain way. When they don’t we feel miserable and try to change them. A good friendship based on detachment means we will always offer good will, but we will not be upset if they wish to go a different way.




Found here
Building Healthy Relationships

14 Timeless Ways to Live a Happy Life

How we achieve happiness can be different for each one of us. Our passions, expectations, life experiences, and even our personalities all contribute to the level of happiness we experience in our lives. Some find happiness in their careers while others prefer the bliss found in their marriages or other intimate relationship.

No matter how you define happiness for yourself, there are certain universal and time-proven strategies to bring, and sustain, more happiness into your life. The following 14 ways to live a happy life can be adapted and even customized to fit your needs. Over time, these strategies will become positive and life-changing habits that will begin to bring more happiness, joy and peace into your life.

1. Notice What’s Right

Some of us see the glass as being half-full, while others see the glass as half-empty. The next time you are caught in traffic, begin thinking how nice it is to have a few moments to reflect on the day, focus on a problem you have been trying to solve, or brainstorm on your next big idea. The next time you get in the slow line at the grocery store, take the opportunity to pick up a tabloid magazine and do some “guilty pleasure” reading. Take all that life throws out you and reframe it with what’s right about the situation. At the end of the day, you will more content, at peace and happy. Take the time to begin to notice what’s right and see the world change in front of your eyes.

2. Be Grateful

How many times do you say the words “thank you,” in a day? How many times do you hear these same words? If you are doing the first thing, saying the “thank yous,” the latter will naturally happen. Learn to be grateful and you will be open to receive an abundance of joy and happiness.

3. Remember the Kid You Were

Do you remember how to play? I’m not referring to playing a round of golf or a set of tennis. I’m talking about playing like you did when you were a child – a game of tag; leap frog, or street baseball when the bat is a broken broom handle and the bases are the parked cars. One way to find or maintain your happiness is to remember the kid you were and play!

4. Be Kind

There is no question that by merely watching acts of kindness creates a significant elevation in our moods and increases the desire for us to perform good deeds as well. Kindness is indeed contagious and when we make a commitment to be kind to ourselves and to others we can experience new heights of joy, happiness and enthusiasm for our lives.

5. Spend Time with Your Friends

Although an abundant social and romantic life does not itself guarantee joy, it does have a huge impact on our happiness. Learn to spend time with your friends and make the friendships a priority in your life.

6. Savor Every Moment

To be in the moment is to live in the moment. Too often we are thinking ahead or looking ahead to the next event or circumstance in our lives, not appreciating the “here and now.” When we savor every moment, we are savoring the happiness in our lives.

7. Rest

There are times when we need the time to unwind, decompress, or to put it simply, just “to chill.” Life comes at all of us hard and fast. Time, as do the days on the calendar, keeps going forward at its own natural pace, which is not always the pace we would choose. Fatigue, stress and exhaustion may begin to settle in on us faster than we may think, or notice. The best remedy for this is indeed rest.

8. Move!

The expression a “runner’s high” does not infer an addiction, but a feeling or a state of mind – a state of euphoria. There is no question exercise, or any physical exertion, elevates your mood and enhances a more positive attitude as well as fosters better personal self-esteem and confidence. Indeed, one way to increase your happiness is to move!

9. Put on a Happy Face

Sometimes we have to fake it until we make it. I’m not suggesting that we not be honest, real or authentic, but I’m suggesting, sometimes, we just need to put on a happy face and keep moving forward. Researchers claim that smiling and looking like we are happy will indeed make us happier. Studies further show that if we act like we are happy then we can experience greater joy and happiness in our lives.

10. Pursue Your Goals

The absence of goals in our lives, or more specifically avoiding to pursue our goals, makes us feel like we are stuck and ineffective. The pursuit of goals in our personal lives, in our relationships, or with our careers, is the difference between having a mediocre life or a life full of passion and enthusiasm. pursue your goals and watch your happiness soar.

11. Finding Your Calling

Some find meaning in religion or spirituality while others find purpose in their work or relationships. Finding your calling may be much more than accomplishing one simple strategy for increasing your happiness, but having a sense of purpose – of feeling like you are here for a reason – can perhaps bring the greatest joy of all

12. Get into the Flow

Flow is the form of joy, excitement and happiness that occurs when we are so absorbed in an activity we love that we can loose ourselves and time seems to stand still. What creates flow is unique to each one of us. To find and sustain true happiness in our lives, we must get off the sidelines and get into the flow.

13. Play to Your Strengths

One way to achieve flow is by understanding and identifying our strengths and core values, and then begin to use these every day. Once we aware of our strengths and we begin to play to your strengths we can better incorporate them in all aspects of our lives.

14. Don’t Overdo It

Know when to say when. What gives you joy and happiness the first time may not work the second time. Too much of a good thing may begin not to feel as good if the “thing” becomes more of a routine, or an expectation. Set healthy and reasonable boundaries for yourself and don’t overdo it.

Found here
14 Timeless Ways to Live a Happy Life

22 Reasons To Never Give Up

At some point in the various journeys we embark on in our lives, we get to a part where we feel like giving up. Sometimes we give up before we even start and other times we give up just before we are about to make that huge break-through that we have been putting so much effort in to achieve.

I have created this list of 22 reasons why you should never give up and I hope that you will find it before you give up, so that I can inspire you to keep going!

1- As Long As You Are Alive Anything Is Possible

The only valid excuse you have to give up is if you are dead. As long as you are alive (and healthy and free) you have the choice to keep trying until you finally succeed.

2- Be Realistic

The chance of mastering something the first time you do it is almost non-existent. Everything takes time to learn and you will make mistakes. Learn from them.

3- Michael Jordan

Arguably the best basketball player of all time. He attributes his success to all his failures. He just never gave up even when he knew he had missed over 300 shots and had missed the  winning shot of the game many times. Every time he got knocked down he got back up again.

4- Lance Armstrong

Lance was diagnosed with serious cancer that had spread throughout his entire body. He had cancer cells the size of golf balls in his lungs. Despite all odds he overcame the cancer and set out to win the Tour de France 6 Consecutive years in a row.

5- Muhammad Ali

“Float like a butterfly, sting like a bee”. Muhammad Ali is one of the best boxers the world has ever known. He suffered only 5 losses while having 56 wins and was the first boxer to win the lineal heavyweight championship three times. This is a guy who literally knows how to get knocked down and get back up.

6- The Man Who Created The Marathon

Very long ago an Athenian herald was sent to Sparta to get help when the Persians landed in Greece. It was said that he ran 240km in 2 days and after that he ran 40km to announce the victory of the Greeks only to collapse and die on the spot from exhaustion. If you ever feel like things are difficult, imagine what it would be like to run 240km in 2 days. (Don’t try that because you might die from it, but use it as an inspiration).

7- Chris Gardner – The Pursuit of Happiness

Have you seen the movie “The Pursuit of Happiness”? It is based on the life story of Chris Gardener, a man who went for the lowest of the lows in an environment where most people would give up (no money, no job) to the highest of the highs (A millionaire with his own investment firm). If you ever think about giving up, watch this movie!

8- Kanye West

I’m pretty sure you have heard of the rapper Kanye West. Read his story. He is a big inspiration for me and proves that you can go from having very little to being among the most famous and respected people in the world.

9- Nelson Mandela

Campaigned for justice and freedom in his South Africa. Spent 20 years in jail for his opposition to apartheid. On release he healed the wounds of apartheid by his magnanimous attitude toward his former political enemies.

10- You Are Strong 

You are stronger than you think. One little setback is not enough to stop you from achieving your goals. Neither are 10 or 100 or 1000 setbacks.

11- Prove Yourself

You don’t want to be known as someone that is weak and gives up. Go out there and prove yourself to the world and to yourself. You CAN and WILL achieve what you set out to do. The only time you fail is when you give up.

12- Has It Been Done Before?

If someone else can do it then so can you. Even if it is only one other person in the world that has achieved what you have set out to achieve, that should be reason enough for you to never give up.

13- Believe In Your Dreams

Don’t sell yourself short. In life there are going to be many people who will try to bring you down and tell you what you want to achieve is not possible. Don’t let anyone destroy your dreams.

14- Your Family and Friends.

Let the people you love and who mean the world to you be your inspiration to persist and persevere. Maybe you need to try a different angle, study more or practice more but don’t give up!

15- Because I Tell You To.

Not that I am any sort of guru or Godly figure, but if you want to give up then don’t. Just because I’m telling you not to.

16- There Are People Worse-Off

Right now there are many people who are in a worse situation and environment than you are right now. Are you thinking about giving up running 5 miles a week? Think about the people who are unable to even walk and how much they would give to be able to run 5 miles every day.

17- Improve Our World

When you achieve whatever you set out to achieve you can use your success to make a difference to the world or other peoples lives.

18- Get Rich or Die Trying

Like Fiddy (50 cent) says, “Get rich or die trying”. 50 Cent is rich, he made it (although he did get shot 9 times). Face your fears and don’t take the easy way out by giving up.

19- Let The Haters Hate

There will always be haters. There will always be plenty of naysayers  and people who try to tear you down. Don’t pay attention to them and don’t take what they say to heart. Let the haters hate and you keep believing in yourself.

20- You Deserve To Be Happy

Don’t ever let anybody tell you otherwise. You deserve to be happy and you deserve to have success. Keep that mindset and never give up until you reach your destination!

21- Inspire Others

Be an inspiration to others by refusing to give up. Who knows what someone else can achieve because you never gave up and in turn inspired them not to give up.

22- You Are So Close

Often when you feel like you want to give up and you are about to give up you are so close to making a huge break-thru. Seth Godin has written an awesome book about this called “The Dip” – a riveting read that teaches that at any given time you are always just a heartbeat away from success.

P.S. NEVER GIVE UP!

Found here
22 Reasons To Never Give Up

How to Build Self-Discipline

Discipline is freedom. You may disagree with this statement, and if you do you are certainly not alone. For many people discipline is a dirty word that is equated with the absence of freedom. In fact the opposite is true. As Stephen R. Covey once wrote, “the undisciplined are slaves to moods, appetites and passions”. And in the longer term, the undisciplined lack the freedom that comes with possessing particular skills and abilities – e.g. to play a musical instrument or speak a foreign language.

Self-discipline involves acting according to what you think instead of how you feel in the moment. Often it involves sacrificing the pleasure and thrill of the moment for what matters most in life. Therefore it is self-discipline that drives you to:

• Work on an idea or project after the initial rush of enthusiasm has faded away
• Go to the gym when all you want to do is lie on the couch and watch TV
• Wake early to work on yourself
• Say “no” when tempted to break your diet
• Only check your email a few of times per day at particular times

In the past self-discipline has been a weakness of mine, and as a result today I find myself lacking the ability to do a number of things which I would like – e.g. to play the guitar. But I have improved, and I can say that it is self-discipline that got me out of bed this morning at 5am to run and then write this article. Believe me, I would love to be curled up in bed right now, but this desire is subordinated by my inner sense of purpose.
If you struggle with self-discipline, the good news is that it can be developed. For example, it is only in the past two years that I have trained myself to wake early. The following are what I have found to be the five traits of self-discipline:

1. Self-Knowledge

Discipline means behaving according to what you have decided is best, regardless of how you feel in the moment. Therefore the first trait of discipline is self-knowledge. You need to decide what behavior best reflects your goals and values. This process requires introspection and self-analysis, and is most effective when tied to written expression. I highly recommend taking the time to write out your goals, dreams and ambitions. Even better, write out a personal mission statement. I found that writing such a statement gave me a greater understanding of who I am, what I am about and what I value. Dr. Covey has an excellent Mission Statement Builder on his site.

2. Conscious Awareness

Self-discipline depends upon conscious awareness as to both what you are doing and what you are not doing. Think about it. If you aren’t aware your behavior is undisciplined, how will you know to act otherwise?
As you begin to build self-discipline, you may catch yourself being in the act of being undisciplined – e.g. biting your nails, avoiding the gym, eating a piece of cake or checking your email constantly. Developing self-discipline takes time, and the key here is you are aware of your undisciplined behavior. With time this awareness will come earlier, meaning rather than catching yourself in the act of being undisciplined you will have awareness before you act in this way. This gives you the opportunity to make a decision that is in better alignment with your goals and values.

3. Commitment to Self-Discipline

It is not enough to simply write out your goals and values. You must make an internal commitment to them. Otherwise when your alarm clock goes off at 5am you will see no harm in hitting the snooze button for “just another 5 minutes….” Or, when initial rush of enthusiasm has faded away from a project you will struggle to see it through to completion.
If you struggle with commitment, start by making a conscious decision to follow through on what you say you’re going to do – both when you said you would do it and how you said you would do it. Then, I highly recommend putting in place a system to track these commitments. As the saying goes, “What gets measured gets improved”.

4. Courage

Did you notice the sweat dripping from the man in the picture at the start of this article? Make no mistake, self-discipline is often extremely difficult. Moods, appetites and passions can be powerful forces to go against. Therefore self-discipline is highly dependent on courage. Don’t pretend something is easy for you to do when it is in fact very difficult and/ or painful. Instead, find the courage to face this pain and difficulty. As you begin to accumulate small private victories, your self-confidence will grow and the courage that underpins self-discipline will come more naturally.

5. Internal Coaching

Self-talk is often harmful, but it can also be extremely beneficial if you have control of it. When you find yourself being tested, I suggest you talk to yourself, encourage yourself and reassure yourself. After all, it is self-talk that has the ability to remind you of your goals, call up courage, reinforce your commitment and keep you conscious of the task at hand. When I find my discipline being tested, I always recall the following quote: “The price of discipline is always less than the pain of regret”. Burn this quote into your memory, and recall in whenever you find yourself being tested. It may change your life.



Found here
How to Build Self-Discipline

The Power of Simplicity

Photo by: Ranjit Swanson
Sri Chinmoy Centre Galleries (from Nepal)

In Modern Life there are a seemingly endless series of options and avenues. At each turn, life seems to present numerous complications. It becomes hard to resist the allure of doing more things and trying to solve a myriad of problems. However,  we are often, consciously or unconsciously, yearning for a more simple approach to life. If we can make an effort to bring more simplicity into our lives, we will find many benefits arise.

1. Peace of Mind. 
Simplicity doesn’t necessarily involve living in a Spartan hut. Real simplicity begins in the mind. If we have numerous anxieties and problems it is not possible to have peace of mind. Simplicity means we learn to clear the mind and not allow ourselves to be bombarded by an endless stream of needless thoughts.

2. Living in the present. 
Complication in life often arises because  we are worrying and planning about the future. We can become so concerned about what may happen tomorrow or next year that we forget to enjoy the present moment. To have one’s focus on the here and now, is to encompass life as it is supposed to be.

3. Less Planning and Thinking
When we complicate life through our endless planning we bring tomorrow’s problems into today. Yet it is always worth remembering that our worries and fears about the future often prove to be groundless.

4. Avoiding Judgement.
It is part of human nature to criticise and judge other people. It is very easy to make a long list of complaints and suggestions about other people. But does it help us when we highlight the faults of others? We should feel that we are not responsible for other people’s thoughts and behaviour. If we feel it is our bounden duty to change others, there can be no simplicity and peace in our life. Rather than try to change others, let us just try to focus on changing ourselves. Our own weaknesses are probably more than enough to deal with.

5. Focus and Achievement
Simplicity enables more to be achieved. Simplicity means that we are focused on one thing at a time. Simplicity means we can put all our concentration on just one thing. If we perform an action with no distractions then we can fulfil it quicker and more successfully. Often, when we simplify our life, we find we can actually achieve more than when we juggled several things at once.

“The simpler we can become, the sooner we shall reach our destination. A life of simplicity is a life of constant progress. It is in simplicity that we can make the fastest progress, progress which is everlasting.”

- Sri Chinmoy

6. Simplicity and Beauty. 
Simplicity is often synonymous with beauty. For example, Zen gardens are uncluttered and simple, yet in that simplicity there is a beauty which appeals to our soul. It is the same with Mother Nature; the essence of nature is its unspoilt beauty. Has man ever been able to improve on the beauty and simplicity of nature?

7. Happiness
Be happy with what we have. As George Bernard Shaw aptly said

“There are two tragedies in life. One is not to get your heart’s desire; the other is to get it.”

The nature of desire is that the more we get the more we want. When we get a new car, often after a while we are not satisfied and want to get something better. However real happiness comes when we are content with what we have and are free of desire.

Found here The Power of Simplicity